There Are No Rules

Rules.

When you were little, your parents created rules to keep you safe.

As you grew older, you learned to create rules of your own for the same reason - to keep yourself safe.

Now that you're an adult, you're so hemmed in with rules that you can barely move. Yet you believe it's the natural way to be. In fact, as you read this you might be thinking, "It's web hosting asp net framework for my life. Without rules, I'd have to think about how to do everything!"

Instead of thinking about how to do everything, what about feeling how to do it?

Instead of automatically following rules that may not make sense any more - may never have really made sense - what about noticing your rules and consciously choosing whether to follow them or not?

Perhaps your shyness and discomfort in a crowd stems from the familiar childhood Macktheknife "Don't talk to strangers." Or if your parents were strict about your eating everything on your plate, you may now find yourself struggling with your weight. Did you have to do all your homework before you could go out to play? Hmm. Are you a workaholic now? Do you have a hard time taking a break and doing something fun when there are things you car insurance quotes online to do?

You may have created rules for no apparent reason. One client noticed - to her astonishment - that she had a rule about when she could put gas in her car. She realized this as she was driving by her usual gas station and found herself in an elaborate calculation concerning the long trip she planned early in the week. How could she schedule her departure so she'd have time to buy gas and get to her appointments on time?

You see, her car had more than a quarter tank of gas left.

It probably doesn't make any sense to you, but it made perfect sense to her: she wasn't "supposed" to put gas in the car if the tank was more than a quarter full. No matter what that did to her schedule. It was a rule she'd lived by for years.

Rules like this can be very hard to spot. They're habitual. They're part of your routine. And they almost always make your life difficult in some way, as my client's gas-purchasing rule did.

Here are three steps to identify the rules in your life. Once you've spotted them, they usually (though not always) dissolve by themselves. In some cases, you may decide that a rule is worth keeping - but you'll do it consciously, knowing that you can break the rule any time.

Notice

Cultivate the observer within you. Your observer is useful in many life situations, and it's especially useful as a rule-spotter. Pay attention to what your observer notices about your behavior. It will be subtle at first - a sense of curiousity, perhaps, about something you're doing. If you're visually oriented, you may find a question mark hovering in your inner vision. Or you may simply have a sense that something strange or off-kilter is going on - a sort of inner speed bump or a "Huh?!"

At first, noticing requires attention, but after a while you'll find that your observer has quite naturally taken responsibility for keeping watch.

Question

Be curious. Your observer will engage your sense of curiousity as part of doing its job. Once it's called something to your attention, let that curiousity take over. Ask yourself what you're doing, and why. Is there a "should" attached, and if so, what is it? Is it a habit, and if so, why did you form the habit? How do you feel when you follow the rule - and how do you feel when you break the rule?

Laugh

Rules and laughter don't get along well at all. When you laugh at a rule, it tends to dissolve. Rather like the Boggart in the Harry Potter books, vanishing at a cry of "Riddikulus," it can't stand up to being shown for what it is.

You're not, of course, laughing at yourself. Remember, you created the rule in order to keep yourself safe in some way. It's just that now you recognize that it's not only unnecessary for your safety, it's holding you back, complicating your life, and creating difficulty. So be kind to yourself while you're noticing, questioning, and allowing the rule to dissolve.

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." Thomas A. Edison, American inventor and businessman, 1847 - 1931

(c)Jon Hansen

Helping bright, creative women break free from others' expectations and reclaim their wholeness and power.

About the Author

I'm Jon Hansen of www.therememberingroom.com">The Remembering Room.

After a lifetime of being all things to all people, is it possible to live from who you are Intouch of for other people's expectations?

You can break down the walls and rediscover/reclaim the wholeness that's your birthright. For more information or to access my free resources (including my free guided meditations) please visit www.therememberingroom.com" >The Remembering Room